Do narcissists ever hold on to good memories of their victims once they have discarded? Answered by Debra Sutton on Quora


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A2A, Thank you for the question Destiny.

Narcissists do not see you as a person. They think in terms of what you provided for them in the relationship. They do not love or bond. They do not have object constancy so you are basically out of sight out of mind. Unless something has triggered a thought about you. If they are with someone new they are focused on the new supply source. When things get boring in their new relationship you may be brought up in order to triangulate the new person. If things don’t work out with the new person they may try to come back to you. And some will keep you on the side while staying with the new person.

It’s not that they forget that trip the two of you took together. They don’t have the same view you do of the relationship. We are rather insignificant in the narcissist view. Relationships are all about the narcissist and serving their needs. They also see things as black or white, good or bad. If things got bad before you left they have painted you black for the time being. They can paint you white again later and if you allow it the whole process can start all over idealize, devalue, discard.

This is why no contact with the narcissist is best. It gives you the time and space to clear your head. To see the relationship for the truth. It is like coming out of a fog. Your mind already knows you deserve to be treated with love, care, and respect. Living with a narcissist you are not even treated as a human being with wants, needs, or feelings of your own.

Narcissists do not love they take hostages. They use people. They are the takers of this world. Trampling over everyone who crosses their path.

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