Doesn’t the lack of object constancy also explain why victims of NPD abuse see their partners in extremes of black and white? Is that why they first idealize their partners’ perfection, but later see them as evil incarnate? Answered By Debra Sutton On Quora

https://www.quora.com/Doesn-t-the-lack-of-object-constancy-also-explain-why-victims-of-NPD-abuse-see-their-partners-in-extremes-of-black-and-white-Is-that-why-they-first-idealize-their-partners-perfection-but-later-see-them-as-evil/answer/Debra-Sutton-2?share=4110fcf8&srid=3AKf5

For the victim this is not a lack of object constancy. This is the victim waking up. This is coming out of cognitive dissonance. It took time for the victim of narcissistic abuse to reach this point where the fog is finally lifted. Due to severe abuse the victim was blinded. This is not split black and white thinking done in an instant as with those with NPD. This is waking up to the truth. No longer can the victim excuse the horrible behavior of the narcissist. This is a normal part of the healing process for those who wake up.

There was never idealization on the victims part. This was believing in and trusting someone who pretended to be someone they are not. Victims have enough awareness to know no one is perfect, so they don’t put people on a pedestal. The NPD puts people on a pedestal then when they find out they are human and make mistakes they are devalued and discarded. They hold you high in the beginning so they can tear you down later. When I talk about an NPD tearing someone down it is the systematic breakdown of a human being. It’s not a little put down and then I don’t want to be with you anymore. They make sure they break the person before they discard them.

There are some victims who never wake up. They will continue to support the behavior of the narcissist taking responsibility for some of the abuse. Some of these victims will remain blinded because they need the narcissist for their own self esteem. They are co-narcissist. They seek out relationships with only narcissists because they feel like they are nothing without the narcissist. What I am referring to here is Dependent Personality Disorder which is different than Codependency. Narcissists create Codependency in relationships. The Dependent Personality Disordered are inverted narcissist.

For those of us who do wake up we are no longer victims, we are survivors. We can never go back to that sleep state. We are no longer useful in the delusional world of the narcissist, nor do we want to be. We never needed the narcissist, it was the narcissist who needed us.

In answering your question this is not the same process the NPD person goes through with a lack of object constancy. There are no extremes with the survivors of narcissistic abuse. For the survivors there is an awareness that occurs. This awareness helps the survivors not to repeat the cycle.