For me the abuse was normalized in childhood growing up with an ASPD father who was diagnosed in the military. I also believe I had codependent behaviors after growing up in a narcissistic abusive household. I thought when I was young I never wanted to grow up to marry a man like my father, but I did. It felt familiar to me. I did know the abuse was wrong but I thought like my mother, my love could change these men. My mother was wrong, I was wrong. I have been married twice both men where physically, emotionally, verbally, and spiritually abusive men. It took the ending of my second marriage for me to wake up to the truth. I was a people pleaser, I put the needs of others ahead of my own, I did not want to rock the boat, and I walked on eggshells. I realized my own self worth wasn’t worth much and I was getting myself esteem by pleasing others. The narcissist will create Codependency in the relationship. There is also trauma bonding that occurs from the push and pull of the relationship, and the punishment and reward. We believe we love the very person who is abusing us and look to them for love, comfort, and validation. They want us bonded to them and they create this by isolating us from family and friends. Making us believe they are the only person in the world who is there for us. Waking up to the fact the entire relationship was built on an illusion is very painful and hard for us to wrap our minds around this. We can stay in denial for a long time. Once we do wake up it takes a lot to heal from the life long patterns passed down through the generations. Healing is possible as long as we focus on ourselves. We cannot heal the narcissist.