It Is In The Narcissist Nature To Use And Abuse By Debra Sutton

An 1847 illustration of “The Scorpion and the Turtle” from the Persian Kalilah and Dimna, an ancient fable which might have inspired The Scorpion and the Frog.

A scorpion asks a frog to carry it across a river. The frog hesitates, afraid of being stung, but the scorpion argues that if it did so, they would both drown. Considering this, the frog agrees, but midway across the river the scorpion does indeed sting the frog, dooming them both. When the frog asks the scorpion why, the scorpion replies that it was in its nature to do so.

Though the fable is recent, its outlook that certain natures cannot be reformed was common in ancient times, as in Aesop’s fable of The Farmer and the Viper. Here the snake’s reply indicates that what is fundamentally vicious will not change.

It is in the narcissist nature to use and abuse. The false self is a maladaptive built in defense mechanism. The adaptation protects the narcissist from deep seated feelings of shame and inferiority. He cannot regulate his own self esteem, so he depends on, and needs others to supply him with what he lacks. This is why he needs fuel or supply in order to keep the false self propped up. He uses the emotions of others to fuel himself in order regulate his self esteem.

Narcissists do not have object constancy so they see things in black and white. When they are angry with you they cannot remember the good things about you. This is also why they can discard and replace you as though you never existed.

Narcissists do not have the ability to self reflect. So they do not look back at the abuse they perpetrate on those closet to them. If it is brought up they don’t remember. If they do remember it was your fault.

What they think of in terms of losing someone who loved them is the loss of supply and any other benefits that person provided them. Narcissists find it difficult to believe anyone really loves them. They don’t love themselves so how can anyone love them. They do not trust people and believe people who care about them have an agenda. They will constantly test you to make you prove you love them and still they don’t believe it. While you are jumping through hoops to prove your love, they always change the goal. It is an impossible situation. Do they feel any remorse? My answer to this question is No they do not. Their defense mechanisms do not allow them to reflect upon their actions and they do not have empathy which is a requirement in order to feel guilt or remorse.

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