Can a Narcissist get Better or Ever Develop Feelings by Debra Sutton

My Answer on Quora

A true Narcissist is never going to change or get better. They can go to Therapy and learn how to modify their behavior. They will not be able to develop empathy. Narcissism is a coping defense mechanism developed in childhood. The narcissist uses his defense coping mechanism to regulate his/her emotions. This comes in the form of fuel or supply which validates the narcissist false self. The narcissist has no real self it is gone, it was killed off in childhood. The false self is all that is left. The false self needs constant propping up from sources to validate what is left of the narcissist. The false self is all he has. It feels like a matter of life or death the false self must be propped up at all times. He uses others emotions and feelings to validate his false self to show himself he does exist. The romantic partner or spouse is used to mirror the narcissist reflection back to him to show him he does in fact exist. The spouse or romantic partner is a mere object to the narcissist. They go back and forth from nice to mean, Jekyll/Hyde. They push you away then pull you back. This creates contrast in the fuel that is provided. They prefer positive fuel, but they will take negative fuel as well. The continuous cycle of pushing you away then pulling you back, punishment and reward keeps their fuel supply flowing. When things begin to feel old and stale they will devalue you, when you have had enough and are about to leave they throw you some crumbs of affection to keep you, things are good again, new again , then the cycle begins again. No a narcissist does not change or get better, they can pretend to for awhile. It doesn’t take long for the cycle to begin again.


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