We cannot allow this one experience to define who we are. There is so much more to us than this. Being married or being the ex-wife of a closeted gay man is not the end of our journey, nor is it the end of our story. I understand how painful it is to find out you were deceived by someone you trusted. This is not the end of our lives, for me it was a new beginning. A time to heal old wounds, a time to really get to know myself, a time to know my value and worth, a time to wake up to the truth. For me this was a true life awakening. No more living in the darkness. No more living in limbo or just going through the motions, not fully awake or aware.
His lies and deception are not my burden to carry. Having regrets about the marriage and time I spent with him is futile. I no longer have the time to waste on things I cannot change. I was living honestly in the marriage. I did my best. As for his deception that’s on him. I get to go on with my life releasing all the negativity that never belonged to me. When you think about why these men live dishonestly and the fear they have about living an authentic life it’s really sad for them. For those that remain in the closet after divorce they don’t get to walk away like we do. They are stuck in their lies and deception and many go on to marry women again and again repeating the deception over and over. These men are never free, free from themselves.
We cannot allow the actions of one person to define our lives. Life has so much to offer us as we heal and move forward. Bad things happen to good people in this life. It’s up to us how we deal with it. I look around at all I have, my cup runneth over. This experience is not the defining moment of my life. I’ve had wonderful experiences in life such as the birth of my children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Next month I will have a new great grandson. How wonderful it is to get to have this experience. I look around at all God has blessed and entrusted me with, and I know I am blessed. We cannot allow this to become our defining moment.
I know many of you are just finding out about your husbands and the pain is overwhelming at first. I want you to have hope and faith you will heal from this. You are on your way to your healing journey. Stay focused on your healing, be kind and patient with yourself. And know you are not alone.