Love Does Not! by Debra Sutton


Love does not accuse, it does not abuse, and it does not lie. It does not keep score or hold your past against you. It does not pretend. 

Why do we have such a hard time recognizing when someone says I love you but their actions speak otherwise. The words I love you come out so easy but if they are not backed up by actions they are meaningless. We have to pay attention to the actions of a person. We cannot only listen to the words I love you. Care comes along with love. To show care for another. Respect comes along with love. To show respect for the feelings of another. Sexual intimacy in a marriage is part of love between two people. When these things are missing in a relationship this is not love. The words alone are not enough to sustain any relationship. 

Until we know and understand our own worth and value we leave ourselves open for abuse. Until we love ourselves enough to know the difference between what real love is and what it is not, we will repeat these patterns. It is when we wake up to the truth that we are able to change these patterns. The truth of our own value and self worth. Only then we are no longer willing to live in the blindness that excepts a false face of love. 

What causes low self esteem in the first place? It could be from childhood and the way we were raised, but not always. There are beautiful women with great careers who don’t know their worth. It’s not about beauty or how much you have accomplished, or how successful you have been. Each person has to examine their own value, self worth, and what brought them to this point in a relationship. To understand why we accept abuse or horrible behavior we have to look deep within ourselves. This can be a painful process. Until we process this we remain stuck. I used to say ok this happened to me I must forgive and forget. I have to move on now. Just covering up the pain, burying it. I would think it was gone and I moved passed it. But this was far from the truth I never dealt with it. I swept it under the rug. This was my way of dealing with things. Until I woke up and was no longer walking around in the blindness that left me susceptible to the disordered. 

My gay ex husband did not break me although I felt broken at the time from all the abuse. In fact in the process he broke himself. He is the one that started suffering from break downs and bouts of psychosis. No I am not broken. I woke up to realize my own value. I don’t need anyone to complete me. Until we learn we are enough all by ourselves it is only then we are able and ready to share in a mutually loving relationship. I recommend spending time alone after a divorce at least one year before dating. Learn to be by yourself. Learn to like your own company. You are valuable you are worth it. Know your worth once you do you will never tolerate anyone who does not value you. Never Again! 

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