With homosexuality being more acceptable these days, and the change in gay marriage laws, I was hoping to see a decline in women needing support. Sadly this has not happened, there are more women needing support daily. Even though gay marriage is legal there are still those gay men who will remain in the closet. It’s one thing to keep your privacy, and choose to remain single, but to marry a woman in order to put on an appearance of straight is a whole different story. I do take into consideration that some men marry young and are confused about their sexuality. They marry hoping those same sex attractions will go away. And they love their wives the best they can. At some point they know the same sex attraction is not going away. Most of these men are acting on their desires for men while married to women. Still these men will not admit they are gay. Their wives usually find out by finding gay porn stored in the computers history, or text from or to a man.
Even when these men are confronted with the evidence they still deny they are gay. They are out there having sex with men, but will come home and have sex with their wives to prove to themselves they cannot be gay. These are the men Bonnie calls the gay straight husband. They feel out of place in either world, but find it easier to pass as straight. They have a straight identify, but a sexual desire for men. These are the men who live a secret gay life. And if you do get a divorce they will go on to marry another woman.
At what point do they stop blaming society, or their parents for their own poor choices. While it is true society has given gay men a hard time. Still there are gay men who would never think of marrying a woman. There are gay men who would never consider sex with a woman. At what point does the closeted gay husband take responsibility for the harm they cause others? From what I have read about these gay men who bear no responsibility. The answer to this question is they never do. They feel as if they are the injured party. As if they gave up their years for you.
Don’t wait from an admission or an apology from the gay straight husband. After some years of marriage were you know something is off and you are waiting around to find that proof, or for him to confess. You may be waiting a very long time for something that is not going to happen. I think you reach a point where you know. You know he’s gay, but you did not actually walk in on him having sex with a man. Don’t waste years looking for that proof or waiting for a confession. Some women do track their husbands activity, or hire private detectives because they need that closure. Closure these men are never going to give. I think if we have to spy on someone the marriage is already over. I do understand needing and wanting that closure. I think you need to do whatever it takes to bring you the closure you need. Once you have the closure you need you can then begin to heal and move forward with your life. These men even rob you of this truth in closure, because they are afraid if you know the truth it will cost them more in a divorce.
By the time you are searching on line for signs of a gay husband you have seen so many things in your marriage to bring you to this point. You are beginning to wake up to the painful truth. We can live in denial for a very long time. The fact is we don’t want to believe our husbands are gay. This is the last thing we search for. It is the last thing we want to believe about the men we marry. It is much more difficult to move forward without proof or a confession. I was fortunate enough to have some proof, but still I wanted that confession. It would have helped with closure. It is possible to move forward without a confession or proof. We wives were never meant to live in the closet with a gay man who cannot except himself. It plays mind games with your psyche. It is very toxic and destructive living in the confusion of the closeted gay husband. Closure will happen when you are ready to let go.