Which Came First The Chicken Or The Egg?
Last night speaking with Bonnie on the straight wives talk show the subject of narcissism came up. “Which came first the chicken or the egg” Bonnie ask, as I stated in my book I believe that closeted gay husbands become narcissist because of the false identity they create, and years of living in the closet. I don’t know if the chicken came first or the egg, as Bonnie says that it is narcissistic in the first place to live this lie, and to bring an innocent woman into their facade.
A cerebral narcissist is the type of person who flaunts his or her intelligence and perceived superiority to feel admired and loved by others. This personality type may also be referred to as a “know it all,” or someone who has a comment or answer for almost everything. Narcissists are in love with themselves and obsessed with their own image and the way that image is perceived by others. Cerebral narcissists are so obsessed with their intellectual prowess that they may ignore or neglect their physical health and appearance.
For the somatic narcissist it’s all about the body, how good it looks, what it can do, and how good at sex he or she is. They may be frequently flaunting their body, flexing their muscles, talking about their aesthetics, bragging about any sporting successes they have had or generally talking about how good they are at outdoor activities. They may be considered health freaks or even hypochondriacs. They may have had cosmetic surgery to hone and sculpt the sacred temple that is their body. And through their body, which may be immaculately dressed to accentuate the finer points, they expect to get their narcissistic supply, the compliments, adoration and adulation that their lives revolve around.
There are different theories some believing that narcissist are born with a genetic predisposition and yet others believing that narcissist are created by their environment, or upbringing, it may even be a combination of both. Some believe narcissist are created when the child’s parents are narcissist, and these children grow up being abused. Then their are those who believe the child was treated as though he were special by their narcissistic parents.
There are situations in which a person can exhibit high levels of narcissism, an example would be a drug addict caught up in the throes of addiction. This person will display traits of narcissism, putting their drugs above anything, or anyone. They will steal from their family, lie, they will do anything to get their drug, it becomes first and foremost. When and if this person cleans up their lives, and they are no longer caught up in their addiction, the symptoms of narcissism will disappear. While some people display traits which are high in narcissism this does not mean they have narcissist personality disorder.
From my own personal experience with both types of narcissism mentioned above. I believe the closeted gay husband does suffer from narcissistic personality disorder. The disorder is hard to diagnose and their is no cure. If you are breaking up with a narcissist, or going through a divorce No Contact is the best way to go. If you have children and cannot do No Contact then you have to set boundaries, limited contact, keeping it only about the children. A relationship with a narcissist will drain all the life out of you. This is why they are called emotional vampires. While you are scraping yourselves off the floor, they are love bombing their next target. Do they care about what happens to you. The answer to this is no. Don’t get caught in the trap of thinking you knew your narcissist like no one else, or feeling sorry for their bad childhood. They projected what they wanted you to see. Nothing about them is real. There was never any real intimacy. They cannot and do not feel empathy, sympathy, or compassion. While you are building them up, they are tearing you down. When you start to see through the facade, this is when the relationship will end, because they are no longer being admired. Many closeted gay husbands, once they are divorced from you go on to marry women. The new woman is just new supply. If they do go on with men these relationships don’t turn out any better. I don’t know which came first, the chicken or the egg. What I do know is a relationship with with a narcissist will never work out. These relationships are toxic and devastating. It’s all a game to them. The only advice I can give is don’t play.