Reviewing Grace and Frankie by Debra Sutton


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I just finished watching the new series Grace and Frankie. It was a likable enough, but I have to say it barely scratches the surface of what a straight spouse goes through. I believe the series is more about the unlikely friendship that forms between the two women, who are quite different. The grown children are excepting right away of these fathers in their seventies, who have cheated in an ongoing affair for the past twenty years. These men decide they want to divorce their wives and marry each other at this late stage in their lives. They don’t want to hide any longer so they are planning a wedding, with bachelor party and all the trimmings. There was one line in the show were Grace said it would have been easier if you had died. I can understand that as I felt that way when my marriage first ended. Many straight wives may find the show too painful to watch. The twenty year affair these two men had in the show is realistic. These closeted gay husbands do cheat. While my gay ex demanded fidelity in our marriage, he was cheating. These men rob us of our dignity, and self-esteem. They take our years and leave us with nothing.

People just don’t understand when you have been deceived for so many years it’s hardly a laughing matter. These men married us under false pretenses. Many of them were cruel and abusive. When they do decide to come out, they pretty much dispose of the wives they spent so many years with. They move on without an ounce of care. My gay ex did not care about what happened to me when he decided he wanted out. I would have been left homeless if not for my family. In the show Grace and Frankie are living in the couples second home a beach house that these couples co-own together. This is not reality as many straight spouses struggle to make ends meet when their husbands leave.

These men blame everyone but themselves for their choice to marry and deceive. Of course they blame society. I think society has changed and is more excepting. I personally don’t think it’s just society. I believe these men do not want to be gay. They have so much shame about what they are, they try to hide it by using and marrying a woman. I think it’s time these men take personal responsibility for what they do to the women they marry. These closeted gay men need to stop marrying women period.

The series ends the season with Sol and Frankie having to go to their home to move, at this point they end up sleeping together. Sol and Robert have been planning their wedding. Grace finds out about Sol and Frankie, and asks Sol if he is going to start his new marriage to Robert with a lie. Which seems ironic as this is the way he has lived his life thus far.

So the show does bring up some points. The most realistic point is the twenty year affair the two men were having. At least people are talking about it. I don’t know if people will ever really be able to understand the straight wife’s point of view.

By Debra Sutton

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7 thoughts on “Reviewing Grace and Frankie by Debra Sutton

  1. I saw your comment yesterday about this series so of course I NEEDED to go watch ASAP. It took me all day to get through it as I have children and chores and did not want to take time from them.
    I cried several dozen times, at least twice every episode, because I could relate so well with Sol, Frankie, even bits of Grace and Robert.
    My gh is a little of both Sol and Robert. Quite, reserved, doesn’t carry emotion on his sleeve EXCEPT when it comes to me. The bond Sol and Frankie have is identical to mine and my gh. As I type I find myself in yet more tears, because I know. I know I have to set him free.
    I started my blog last week because of reading yours Debra- I felt what the hey, I can add another dimension to this, and yet confirm all the similarities and signs for other women as well. Also gaining the courage to do what I know I have to do.
    Thank you so much for sharing this series. It was kind of my “ah’ha” moment.

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    1. Thank you Tracy. I’m so glad you started the blog, it is very healing to be able to write about this. In the series Sol and Frankie were best friends, so letting go was so hard. The show is listed as a comedy, but they never make fun of the straight wives. In the show Sol has a deep affection for Frankie. I know if you and your ex were like this couple it had to be very difficult for you. In my own marriage my ex was cruel and abusive. He would rather me believe the problems in the marriage were my fault than to admit the truth. I know some are able to remain friends and that all are not like my gex. I’m glad you are both free as painful is letting go is I don’t think there is any other way.

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  2. Dear Debra

    Yes Debra, these men are extremely selfish and self-centred. They do not have as much as an ounce of understanding or sympathy for others people’s feelings or thoughts. I prefer to call them ’emotional rapists’, because that is what they do to you. They make you feel broken, miserable and empty on the inside. We gave them our heart, and they crushed it. We are the ones who have to pick up the pieces.

    I pray for all those women, and men (yes, they do hurt other men as well) who have been heart broken by these deceitful men. These men wont make anyone happy, women or men, beacuse they don’t know what love is. They only use people for their own selfish need. The wife/girlfriend is the smokescreen who they use to prove to themselves and others that they are perfectly straight. The male lovers are only for hookups and sex, NOT LOVE.

    In a way i suppose we should take some comfort from this. They did not make us happy, but they won’t make anyone else happy either, including themselves. Because if you cannot love yourself the way you are, then how can you love anybody else?

    Kind regards
    espen

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    1. Espen the term emotional rapist is exactly true. Thank you for your comments, I love hearing your side. I’m sorry you have been hurt as well. I think the key is to care for ourselves enough that we never allow this treatment from anyone ever again. You are right in saying if you can’t love yourself the way you are, then how can you love anyone else.

      Kind regards,
      Debra

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