The Cookout Defining Gay Slang by Debra Sutton


I mentioned in an earlier post, my ex husband had three break downs. He had what I believe is called brief reactive psychosis. He experienced psychosis his mind had a break from reality. He suffered from delusions and hallucinations during this state. I believe the break downs were from living in the closet for so long. Brief reactive psychosis can occur after a drug, or alcohol binge usual lasting less than thirty days. It was during one of his breaks with reality that he kept repeating this over and over while laughing “Look At All Those Chicken Bones”. “Chicken” is a gay slang term for a young gay male, and “Bone” is a slang term for penis. In his state of delusion, I believe he was having hallucinations of many young gay penises.

It was in January, very cold outside when a man called my house seemingly upset, he asked me to give my husband a message. He said tell him “He was supposed to meet me for a Cookout”. I did give my husband the message, he did not say a word. He turned his back to me, and walked out the back door. The word cookout kept playing over and over in my mind, until I googled the word. Cookout is a slang term for oral sex. The term cookout is also used by straight people it’s not just a gay term.

If you suspect your husband is gay, and you come across some strange text, or receive a suspicious phone call you need to know they speak in code. I have listed a few gay slang terms. There are hundreds of gay slang terms on-line.

Angel Food-homosexual male pilot currently serving in the Air Force.

Basket Shopping-when cruising to check someone out, to view their private parts through their cloths.

Beard-the wife of a closeted gay man.

Bear-in the gay culture a large hairy man who represents rugged masculinity.


Bug Chasers-a gay male who is seeking to have sexual relations with a HIV infected person. He wants to contract the HIV virus intentionally. The HIV infected male willing to have sex for the purpose of giving the virus is called the Gift Giver.

Bulls-super massive body builder.

Catcher Or Bottom-man who receives anal sex.

Chicken-a younger homosexual male looking for an older gay male.

Chicken Hawk-an older gay male looking for young gay men.

Cookout-Oral sex, as in let me put my meat on your grill.

Cottaging-slang for hooking up in public restrooms.

Cubs-a younger looking husky male, always hairy.

Ring Snatcher-during sex the person who prefers the bottom role.

Eyeball Queen-person who gets sexual pleasure from watching others perform sexually.

Fish And Chips-wife and kids of a gay male lover.

Full House-term used for having more than one sexually transmitted disease at once.

Girl Scout-military man on leave currently seeking sex.

Gym Rat-a gay male who is addicted to working out at the gym.

Ice Cream-someone so sweet that you have a desire to lick them.

Kiki-a party including good music, and good friends.

Otter-thin hairy gay men, smaller than bears.

Pitcher Or Top-man who gives anal sex.

Pup-a young naive gay male, with not much experience, considered cute by the gay community.

Twink-a gay slang term used to refer to a young (18 to early 20s) homosexual man with certain outward characteristics, such as an effeminate manner, a thin build, no body or facial hair, which all give to a youthful look.

Twunks-similar to Twinks, a homosexual term used to describe a young man (usually between 18-25) that has the face of a twink, with the physique of a hunk. Usually a twunk’s body is not as “ripped” as a “hunk”, but if they went to the gym, the twunk could have the body of a hunk.

Wolves-gay male, semi hairy, muscular, lean, attractive, and sexually aggressive.

Vanilla-conventional sex, nothing that involves fetish activities, BDSM, or kink.

Zipper Queen-a sex party or orgy that takes place in public, like a bathhouse or a bar.

6 thoughts on “The Cookout Defining Gay Slang by Debra Sutton

  1. When I used to hint that I would like sexual intercourse, and he finally ‘got’ the message, he’d say: ‘Oh, you want to fool around?’ I hated that term; it was a real turn-off, but I didn’t analyse it. When I looked it up the other day, it was defined as messing around with someone you aren’t married to, possibly not having full sex, and also is a common term in the gay community. My husband has only admitted to what we know – that he was having sex with men for the last few months pre-discovery. But he used this term for years and I think it may indicate that he was active with men all along. He’ll never tell me, that’s for sure. The only way I’d find out is if I put up a large advert in the local newspaper with his photo, asking all his sexual partners to come forward and giving them all a financial reward. I expect there’d be an avalanche of sad losers and no-marks (he admitted to having sex with ‘all 4 men’ he’d met – so he wasn’t exactly choosy). I will, of course, not do this – unfortunately, these men’s crimes against us humiliate/embarrass us as the wife and children (especially the children) if they become publicly known and he, as a narcissist, with no genuine feelings, would possibly not feel a thing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You are right Becky, they are narcissist. They think they have been through so much, they never consider what they do to their wives and children, in fact they feel like they gave up their years for you. I can understand that you want the whole truth. He most likely will never give that. He’s only going to admit to what you know. You can bet there is more. At least you see through him.


  2. A quick update. On the night I found out my husband was gay, he admitted sex sessions with 4 men in the three months up to that night. So he only admitted what my daughter had found on his ‘phone. Eight months down the line, when I felt I could now face finding out more, I wrote him a letter (even though we see each other several times a week I didn’t feel like talking to him about it). I asked him to be decent enough to tell me the truth (!!?) and I asked him about 10 direct questions.
    So I got a bit more out of him. I now have the admission that he was ‘meeting men’ (that’s the nice way of putting it) for the last three years. So, if he was having sex with e.g. 4 different men each 3 months (a conservative estimate – as he could have been doing it several times a week – and also when he met up with each one they could have ‘done it’ several times), we’re talking at least 16 each year, so maybe 48! Thanks you shit. At the same time I was the loyal and understanding wife and thought he had become impotent and resigned myself to my sexual life ending at the age of 47 (whilst also putting up with his foul moods).
    Also, I remembered once seeing him flick a computer screen off when I came into the room (about 10 years ago) and I thought it was strange – I think I wondered whether he might be chatting to a woman on the internet – but I dismissed it and forgot about it. It was just one little incident…. So I asked in my letter about whether he had been looking at gay porn and I had an admission to that, too. So that covers him betraying me terribly over at least the last 10 years of our marriage – but I’m not so stupid to think that the previous 10 years were betrayal-free. I’m just gradually squeezing more truth out of him. I also got an admission that he had been ‘intimate with a man’ twice in his 20s before meeting me. He denied having done some of the things I asked him about – like having sex with a friend of his – but when he denies things I don’t believe him. I think he is just managing the information – feeding it to me in drip-form, hoping I don’t run around like a maniac screaming at him and about him. Before this happens to you, you think that that is the way you would react and I wish I could because it might do me a bit of good. It would be nice to get hold of him and smash him about a bit and scream like a banshee. Instead I’m like this fabulously decent and civilised wife, keeping his secret still from most people, who probably think I did something to make him want to leave me… Whatever. I’m the one with the integrity and clear conscience and that is priceless.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Becky I thought my gex had become impotent too. I know what a shocking betrayal all this is. As your mind tries to work through all of this, it would be great if you had some support. Do you know Bonnie Kaye? She offers a lot of support to women in our situation. She also knows first hand what it is like.


  3. Thanks Debra. Yes, I know Bonnie. I found her within a week of finding out what my husband was. And I read loads and loads of her previous newsletters and they helped me so much in those early dark weeks. I have also made personal contact with her. She is my hero! And I don’t say that about anyone else. She is such a champion of us and a great role model as it would be easy to become homophobic or be seen as homophobic when we express our horror and disgust at what has happened to us, but she makes it clear that this is not the case. The gay husbands are the homophobes. Having said that, and having read the book you mentioned by Alan Downs (‘The Velvet Rage’), I do believe that many gay men need to take a long hard look at how they live their lives. I can say, hand on heart, that I have never cheated on any partner of mine and I have never gone with someone or even given a flirty look at someone I know to be committed to someone else. The fact that many gay men sleep around with people they hardly know makes it inevitable that they will be enabling other cheats, even if they are personally not committed to someone else. This, to me, is immoral and not the way to lead a decent life. It’s not a victimless action.
    In a related vein, I read today in The Times that a Jewish female rabbi is starting a matchmaking service for gay Jewish people, in order to help them lead decent, monogamous lives. I think that is a brilliant idea – but isn’t it typical that it was a woman who thought it up! I don’t believe men – straight or gay – think monogamy is that important and I believe they are generally greatly lacking in emotional intelligence and also in morality. I recently told my ex that I am no longer a feminist after what has been done to me by him; I am a female supremacist!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Becky I am so glad you know Bonnie and have been in contact with her. I feel the same as you about Bonnie. I don’t know where I would be without her help, support, and understanding. I think it is immoral also to sleep around for gay or straight.


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