Defining Friendship Is Your Gay Husband Your Bestfriend? by Debra Sutton


Defining Friendship:

The dictionary describes that although there are many forms of friendship, some of which may vary from place to place, certain characteristics are present in many types of friendship. Such characteristics include affection, sympathy, empathy, honesty, altruism, mutual understanding and compassion, enjoyment of each other’s company, trust, and the ability to be oneself, express one’s feelings, and make mistakes without fear of judgment from the friend.

Why is it when you are married to a closeted gay husband the best friend roll is so overly emphasized. I have to say I have also seen this in straight marriages also when one partner no longer loves the other, but stays for children, or financial reasons. They tell you that you are their best friend, you know them better than anyone else in the world. Pretending they cannot live without you. They give you kudos in public forums such as Facebook. Stating things like my beautiful wife, my best friend, I could not live without her. These are the crumbs they throw at you, to make up for a real lack of intimacy. They are biding their time, until the real deal comes along. Once they find what they are truly looking for, the man of their dreams, or the new beard. You will see how quickly you are discarded, but wait I thought we were best friends. Can’t we still be friends? I don’t think there will be room in his life for you, and his new boyfriend, or his new beard. What about all the years we spent together, all the years you said I was your best friend, your only friend, I thought I knew you like no other. You will find the years meant nothing. It will not matter that you raised a family together, or started a business together, that you spent decades building a life with this person. Are you a best friend, or a beard for a closeted gay husband?

This is not what I signed up for when I got married. I wanted love, intimacy, companionship. I wanted faithfulness, and someone to grow old with, and yes friendship too, but I wanted more than friendship. If you are in a relationship were the friendship is really played to the hilt. I believe this is something you need to look at. Why would you settle for this in any marriage. Don’t you deserve a marriage that is more than friendship? At the end of my marriage I found out the friendship he claimed over and over was just one more lie, in a long litany of lies and deceit.

Points to Ponder:

Would A Best Friend Lie To Your Face For Years?

Would A Best Friend Continually Cheat?

Would A Best Friend Risk Your Health By Exposing You To Diseases?

Would A Best Friend Use You As A Cover?

Would A Best Friend Always Put His Needs Above Yours?

Would A Best Friend Let You Believe Something Is Wrong With You?

Would A Best Friend Have Family And Friends Believe You Are Mentally a Imbalanced?

Would A Best Friend Abuse You?

Would A Best Friend Watch You Suffer Trying To Fix The Problems In The Marriage, When He Knows What The Problem Is?

Don’t mistake friendship for real love and intimacy. There are some gay/straight marriages that do remain friends after a divorce. Most of those that remain friends have children.

Fake Husband= Fake Friendship-When a person pretends to be your friend, but has ulterior motives. They play up the friendship role, because it is all they can pretend to offer you. They are offering crumbs to keep you around, so their secret will stay safe. When a husband does not want physical intimacy with you, but claims you are his best friend for me this is another sign of a closeted gay husband.


8 thoughts on “Defining Friendship Is Your Gay Husband Your Bestfriend? by Debra Sutton

  1. My husband was loving and affectionate during the first years of our marriage, but as the years went by, he became cold and distant. I did not understand then, but i do now. My impression is that the older these men gets, the harder it becomes to live on a lie. The urge to be with a man grows stronger, and the only thing standing in his way is his wife..

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Another excellent article Debra. The truth is that although they think they are your friend, they are rubbish at that as well. My husband did nearly all of the things on your list – so he wasn’t even a friend. But I have to stay on friendly terms for the sake of the children and our business. I wouldn’t otherwise.
    The ‘crumbs’ I received in the final years of our marriage were touching my toe with his across the vast expanse of the king-size bed he insisted on (I’m still surprised he didn’t fall out of bed on the other side as he seemed to always cling to the edge). And he got into the habit of sending me a birthday card each year with a loving message on it. ‘Ah, so he must love me!’ I’d think, despite all appearances to the contrary. One awful thing he would do is say ‘I love my best friend, John!’ ‘I love my sister!’ – he would often make these declarations publicly – while he hadn’t said he loved me in years… It’s painful to think of it. Maybe we can call that ‘abuse’? It’s a kind of exclusion, like a form of bullying.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Becky you describe this so well a kind of exclusion, like a form of bullying. My gay ex clung to the side of the king size bed as well. After i left i realized not only did i sleep alone all those years, but i was alone. There was really not much of an adjustment to living alone. My life has been much better without all the daily tear downs. He liked to tear me down for no reason. I guess it made the coward feel better.


    1. tracylbg

      As straight wives we all have so many feelings and emotions in common. So many of our stories are very familiar. It’s been a great help for me connecting with other women who have been through the same thing.


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