This is a letter I shared with Bonnie on 11/02/2014. I wrote this in hopes of reaching out to the other man.
To The Other Man,
If you are a gay man in a relationship with a man, who is married to a woman. You will spend holidays alone, while he spends them with his family. He will never tell people about you. Even though you are out, he is not. He will complain about his wife, but chances are he will not leave her. Why should he has the cover of his wife and children with you on the side. He will not care about your feelings or his wife’s feelings. There is no happiness that comes from a relationship with a closeted gay man. No happiness for you, and no happiness for his wife. You see even though he stays married to her, he resents her. He blames her for all that’s wrong with his life. Nobody wins in the relationship with the married closeted gay man. This type of man will never tell the truth. Even if he does divorce he will never come out publicly and he will still have to hide his relationship with you.
I was unknowingly married to a closeted gay man for 22 years. I wish someone had the courage to tell me the truth. My gay ex husband never had the courage to come out. Near the end of my marriage I received a phone call from a man, he was upset and told me to give my husband a message he said tell him he was supposed to met me for a cookout. This was a close call for my gay husband. Someone almost gave him away. At the time I did not understand. I wish someone had the courage to tell me the truth. If you are the other man I want you to know I am hurting too. I have spent years trying to help my husband with problem after problem. He has been mean, cruel, and abusive. If you are the other man please have the courage to tell me. I want to know the truth. I died a little each day in this marriage. So I would ask you to free me and yourself. I was finally free near the end of my marriage, when a straight man, who I know had the courage to tell me my husband had made sexual advances toward him. The truth was a painful relief.