Closeted Gay Machoism by Debra Sutton


There are many men and women who live open gay lives. They are true to themselves. They aren’t out to hurt anyone. They simply want to live their lives being happy and true to themselves. I don’t feel like it is my place to judge their lives or anyone’s else’s for that matter. I don’t have an issue with gay people.

My issue is with the closeted gay man. The one who marries a woman. The one who lies, cheats, and steals her life. He is the most miserable man on the planet, with no care or concerns for others. He is very narcissistic in all his behaviors lacking empathy. He has to put on a straight act for his wife and the world all day everyday. My gay ex tried to put on a show of machoism. It was very hard and embarrassing to watch because he could not pull this one off too well. He did this by getting into many bar fights. It got so bad I would not go anywhere with him. He loved to shoot pool. I don’t know what the stakes were. It was the same everywhere we went a fight always broke out at the pool table. It was about a year before I left I was given some insight. I would take him to the bar drop him off and pick him up when he was ready to come home. This particular night I pulled up in the parking lot of the Malibu a neighborhood bar in Pensacola, Florida. There was a fight about to take place between my husband and a biker. The reason for this fight the biker asked my husband if he was gay. That night my husband got his face kicked in with a pair of biker boots. After the fight the biker got on his Harley with his lady, and I thanked him for not killing my husband. Now as I look back at all the fights at the pool table. It makes me question what kind of stakes he put on the table. Was he propositioning men at the pool table? No one person gets in that many bar fights. He was not a fighter he could not fight, and always lost the battle. It was a pathetic attempt that left me feeling embarrassed and sorry for him. My gay ex husband thought Clint Eastwood was the ultimate macho guy. Even buying a 44 magnum like the one in Clint Eastwood’s Dirty Harry. He bought guns, pulled guns, held guns to my head in a pathetic attempt to seem Macho. I seriously doubt Clint Eastwood would approve.

I have personally known some of the younger closeted gay husbands who play the role of the ladies man. They marry and divorce over and over having many children along the way, leaving the wife and children behind when they move on to the new. Never looking back or giving anyone a second thought.

The signs where there. I was not looking. Look for overacting, overcompensating. The closeted gay married man plays a role. He may overcompensate in areas of machoism, or playing the ladies man. He can even be homophobic. If it doesn’t feel right it probably isn’t. Listen to your gut instincts. If you are even questioning that he might be gay this is also your subconscious trying to tell you something.

At the end of my marriage I looked for any signs of human decency. I saw none. He simply is not capable of human emotions toward another human being. He was so wrapped up in his own self there was no room for anyone else. I’m speaking not as a wife or an ex-wife, but simply from the stand point of one human being to another. The closeted gay husband will steam roll over everything and everyone in his path, never looking back to see who was injured.


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