My gay ex husband identifies himself with Invisible Man. He used Invisible Man as a Facebook profile picture. In the book by Ralph Ellison Invisible Man takes his revenge on society in silent, unsuspecting ways, such as stealing electricity from a power company by wiring his room full of light bulbs. He feels proud of himself. He likes his invisibility and that he can take from society. He plans to cover the floor of his old abandoned basement apartment with high watt bulbs, out of spite and a need to hold and control as much light as possible. Light is truth and truth is light he says. In this way, his hibernation will be warm and well-lit and he will continue feel vital and alive. Music is another source through which he gains power in his lair. By listening to Louis Armstrong, he hopes to feel his body vibrate and to become aware of a new sense of time. He explains when he smokes a joint one day, the music takes on a new meaning and he sees into the spaces between time. His dreamlike state finds him asking a woman of his illusions what freedom is and her son telling him that he must learn it from himself. Until then, he blames society for his irresponsibility and admits to his own cowardice.
Peterson, Cameron. April 10, 2000 “Invisible Man Prologue” http://www.gradesaver.com
During one of my gay ex-husbands psychotic states he told me he could see music. I don’t believe he ever read the book or realizes the significance. My gay ex is a coward that blames the world for his problems. He has never taken personal responsibility. He will never understand freedom, light, or truth. He made a conscious decision to marry me and hide behind me for twenty two years. He never once thought of me, or my feelings not during our marriage or after our divorce. He watched me during the marriage trying to fix something that I could never fix. He watched as I jumped through hoops while he constantly raised the bar. I cannot understand how a person can pretend to be straight when they are gay. I don’t understand this kind of cruelty to use another person, because you want to pretend. Then when you are tired of pretending you just dispose of them without ever admitting the truth. He wanted me to continue to believe it was all my fault, and I was some how to blame. He wanted everyone else to believe it was my fault too.
My gay ex husband did not expect for me to find out the truth and when I did he hid like the coward that he is. I have come to terms with most of the truths about my marriage. I accept the fact that he’s gay. Seeing him as gay was hard at first because he acted straight around me for years. It took my mind time to see him this way. I accept the fact that I never knew him. At first I thought that at the very least we were friends. I have come out of this way of thinking. My mind had to clear from all the years of abuse and lies. It took me a little over two years to get rid of the illusion. He always told me he was not comfortable in his own skin. How can he be living a lie? Freedom is something you must learn for yourself. At least I have found freedom in the truth. He still has to live with himself as uncomfortable as that is for him.
I am not alone there are millions of women in this country and around the world who have found that they are married to a closeted gay husband. The pain and confusion we all have to face. Most of these marriages end in divorce. There are many struggles for these women especially those with children. I wish that these gay husbands would do the right thing by their families. In so many of these cases they do not. The wives are the ones that have to pick up the pieces and carry on no matter what. While the gay ex seems to walk away unscathed. There are no ribbons or parades for us. These closeted gay husbands are weak and they are cowards. If they were strong to begin with they would not have to hide behind a wife and children.