It has been two and a half years since my divorce from my gay husband. I am just now coming out of the brain fog I was in from all the gay-lighting. The question I was facing is should I tell the truth about my gay ex. I told my family and a few close friends, but still felt embarrassed by the fact that I was unknowingly married to a gay man for 22 years. I was ashamed that I did not know all those years. I decided to go public with this. I needed to take back my power, because he controlled so much of what I did or said in the marriage. I hated to think that he could do this to another woman, as I know that many gay ex husbands go on into new marriages with women.
After I went public using social media I did receive phone calls from his mother threatening me with a law suit. I am finally free. I am free from the lies and shame that held me. I no longer feel loyal to this man who lied to me for so many years. It is hard for family and friends to understand what the wife of a gay man goes through. Unless you have been a straight spouse married to a gay man you can never really truly understand. These gay men married to straight women are hiding in these marriages. They put their wives through so much pain so they can stay hidden. I came out of this feeling like I had been brain washed, and it took a few years to be reprogrammed.
It is not for me to judge being gay as right or wrong, but it is wrong to lie and to manipulate another human being. I don’t believe a man who says at fifty that he just now realizes he’s gay. He has known for a very long time. He made a consciousness choice to marry a straight woman to hide the fact that he’s gay. In so many of these marriages when he does decide to come out no consideration is given to the wife he spent so many years with. The wives are left to suffer from the fallout emotionally and financially.
I don’t regret going public. I was able to give all the pain from the lies, and manipulation back to its rightful owner. The journey to recovery from these marriages is not easy. It takes time for your mind to work through all the deception. I dissected everything about my marriage. Signs I missed, how did I miss that? I had so many questions in the beginning. I have worked through most of them. I came out of this knowing the signs I missed.
The truth has set me free. I am no longer in hiding. I can share my truth, my story without shame.