Signs Your Gay Husband Is Coming Out Of The Closet by Debra Sutton


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I was unknowingly married to a gay man for twenty two years. At the end of my marriage I started seeing my husband change. I felt I no longer knew him, but the fact was I never knew him. My husband was not effeminate. He worked on military aircraft as a living. He liked boating, fishing, archery, and guns. He could fix anything. His dress was basic jeans or shorts and a tee-shirt. He didn’t much care for photos of himself. In twenty two years we had about three photos taken together. All of this changed near the end of the marriage. I have made a list of these changes.

1. He experienced a break down with psychosis.
2. Obsessing about his hair. He was never satisfied with the cut and would have it cut again within a few days.
3. Coloring his hair he wasn’t satisfied with that so he started highlighting it.
4. Tanning
5. Buying new clothes. In twenty two years he never bought clothes for himself.
6. Shaving his under arms.
7. Always on the computer.
8. Taking photo after photo of himself or had me take them. He even bought a tripod so he could take pictures of himself.  I did not know he bought the tripod until I saw it in the computer room.
9.   Anger and Rage.
10. Asking questions about the gay lifestyle.
11. He became careless giving men our home number for sexual hookups.
12. He commented that my nephew sure was looking good.

These are some of the changes I noticed at the end of my marriage.  I left and never went back. It was after I left I found out he made sexual advances to a man who I know. I questioned him about being gay. He denied it. He continued with the mind games, lying, and manipulation. I had to accept that he was never going to give me the truth.

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6 thoughts on “Signs Your Gay Husband Is Coming Out Of The Closet by Debra Sutton

  1. Debra, this sounds as if there may be more than gay involvled. He may be transgendered meaning not only was he gay, but he also liked his feminine side. If he shaved his legs as well, I would go with this thought. He was psychotic for sure!
    xoxoxox

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  2. Bonnie I never saw him shave his legs, but once when we were living in North Carolina I was sitting in the living room watching TV and he came out of the bedroom and stood in front of me wearing one of my dresses. I really thought he was joking and I started laughing. He started laughing too. That was it I never saw any other transgender stuff until he started shaving his under arms. Do you see anything else Bonnie that makes you think transgender?

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  3. Hi,
    I’m so confused. I’m still asking myself that question after 29 yrs.
    He doesn’t shave his pits, doesn’t have much in common with your list, he does ask about gays, and I always catch him looking at men.
    I’m so so confused. Thank you for your site.

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    1. You can’t go by everything on my list. My gay ex husband did not shave his arm Pitts until the end of our 22 year marriage. The biggest sign in my marriage was all the years with no sex. Over the years all your self confidence is eroded. I belong to a private support group on Facebook called the straight wives club it is headed by Bonnie Kaye who is an expert on the subject of women who were or are unknowingly married to gay men. If you would like to contact Bonnie Kaye on Facebook you can message her. I’m sure she would talk to you and add you to the group. My purpose here is to help women who are in the same type of situation that I was once in.

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      1. Thank you for your kindness, we have sex less then 9 times a yr. I might look up the lady. But, Facebook ? Everyone on my list would see I’ve joined. Not a good idea in my case. I have children.

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